Grief often comes in waves, an unpredictable mix of emotions and experiences. Jamie recently lost her dad, and she finds herself struggling to grieve “like a normal person.” The truth is, there’s no such thing as a “normal” way to grieve. Every loss, every relationship, and every person is different.

The Complexity of Grief

Jamie’s situation is complicated. Her family dynamics add layers to her grief that make it harder to process. Grief isn’t always immediate or intense, especially when the loss is drawn out by illness, as in her father’s case. His prolonged sickness gave her time to process, but when she lost her stillborn baby, the grief was sharp and suffocating. Both experiences are valid; both are part of her journey.

One of the hardest parts of grief is dealing with the expectations and emotions of others. People mean well, but often they project their own feelings onto you, telling you what they think your grief should look like. It’s important not to let others’ expectations shape your experience. Their intentions are pure, but grief is personal.

Embrace Vulnerability

We often hear the advice to “share everything,” but even in our most vulnerable moments, we tend to hold back. There’s usually a 2% that we don’t share, even if we’re giving 98% of ourselves. Why? Because we’re not good at being needy. We struggle to let others be there for us in our moments of deepest vulnerability.

Heather, who lost her mom to cancer at a younger age, shares a similar story of slow, unfolding grief. For her, it wasn’t just about losing a parent but also about processing all of the big life moments her mother wouldn’t see—her wedding, her children, and imagining what her mom would have been like in her seventies. For Heather, every stage of life brings a new wave of grief.

How to Truly Show Up for People

Everybody needs you to show up differently, depending on the situation. It takes discernment from the Holy Spirit to navigate that well.

One powerful aspect of grief is recognizing our own poverty—what we’ve lost, where we’re lacking, and how deeply we need others and God. Jesus died for us in our poverty, not just materially but spiritually and emotionally. When we truly understand that, we can love others in their grief, not out of pity but out of shared understanding.

Caring for someone because you feel sorry for them is not true care. The deepest love comes when we see people for who they truly are, understanding that in heaven, those we lose will be whole, glorified, the fullest versions of themselves. That hope transforms how we process loss.

Grief Isn’t a Solo Journey

If you’re processing grief, don’t do it alone. Reach out to the people who love you and tell them what you need. Whether it’s a hug, someone to listen, or even just space, be honest about where you are. And make your prayer, “Holy Spirit, guide me in this situation.”

Trust Him to show you how to show up for others and how to allow them to show up for you.

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