Some of us avoid conflict like the plague, while others charge into it head-on. Regardless of how you feel about conflict, one thing is for sure: it’s inevitable.
But the question remains: How do we handle conflict in a way that honors God and leads to growth—not just for ourselves but for the people we influence?
How Do We Walk Through Difficult Times?
When conflict arises, our initial reactions often reveal what’s happening in our hearts. Defensiveness, insecurity, and fear of rejection are natural knee-jerk responses. Our instinct is to protect ourselves—sometimes at the expense of tearing others down. Yet God calls us to something higher.
When we’re hurt, the path forward isn’t easy, but it’s clear: walk as the Lord intended. Wrestle with the situation in prayer, even if it feels messy.
Jamie’s approach to handling disappointment with her daughter is a beautiful example of this. Instead of rushing to fix things or avoid the pain, she’s praying that God uses the disappointment to shape her daughter into the person He’s calling her to be. What if we approached every conflict that way—asking God to form us and the other person, no matter how uncomfortable the process?
What’s Going On in You?
One of Heather’s biggest struggles in conflict is taking things personally. It’s a natural reaction, but it often makes conflicts bigger than they need to be. Pete Scazzero’s “Ladder of Integrity” offers a helpful tool here. Before addressing the other person, take time to ask yourself what’s really going on in your heart. Why are you feeling hurt? What insecurities or fears are surfacing?
A good rule of thumb is to wait 24 hours before responding to conflict. Use that time to do some soul inventory and pray for clarity.
Hard conversations are worth it—especially when you know the other person isn’t going to quit on you. Real growth happens when both parties commit to staying in the relationship, even when it’s hard. In a culture that makes it easy to cut people off, sticking with someone is a rare and beautiful thing.
Guarding Your Heart in Conflict
Conflict can bring out the worst in us if we’re not careful. Our instinct might be to tear someone else down in order to build ourselves up, but God calls us to humility. Here are a few ways to guard your heart:
1. Take Every Thought Captive
When negative or defensive thoughts arise, don’t let them spiral out of control. Trust that God has a plan for you, even in this difficult situation.
2. Resist the Scarcity Mindset
Conflict often stems from the belief that there’s not enough “pie” for everyone—that someone else’s success diminishes your own. But God’s provision is abundant. Trust Him to meet your needs.
3. Avoid Filling in the Blanks
It’s easy to assume someone’s intentions, but doing so rarely leads to peace. Instead, focus on the facts and approach the other person with grace.
Set an Example for Your Kids
The way we handle conflict doesn’t just affect us—it teaches our kids how to navigate disagreements too. If we avoid conflict or explode in anger, we model unhealthy patterns. But when we approach conflict prayerfully, thoughtfully, and with a commitment to reconciliation, we set an example they can follow.
Teach your kids that conflict doesn’t have to be scary or divisive. Show them that it’s possible to work through disagreements in a way that strengthens relationships rather than tearing them apart.
The Role of Trusted Community
Conflict can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. Who are the people you trust to help you navigate difficult situations? We all need friends who can call us out, point us to Jesus, and remind us of the bigger picture. Without these voices, it’s easy to internalize conflict and blow it out of proportion.
When conflict arises, lean on these people. Ask them to pray with you, speak truth into your life, and help you see the situation clearly.
Sticking It Out Is Worth It
We live in a world that values quick fixes and easy exits. But the hard work of staying in a relationship—even when it’s messy—is where real beauty lies. Conflict, when handled well, can deepen trust and intimacy. It reminds us that love isn’t about convenience—it’s about commitment.
Even when we blow it, there’s hope. Apologize. Climb the ladder of integrity. Take the next step toward reconciliation. And trust that God is using every situation to shape you into the person He’s calling you to be.