November 02, 2021

Family culture: I’m just like my dad.

What was your family culture like growing up? Not sure? Well, have you ever noticed yourself responding to something precisely the way one of your parents/guardians would have? It’s totally normal but can also be a little startling. Whether you had amazing or not-so-great parents/guardians, how they acted and viewed the world shaped how you act and view the world now.

In this episode, Heather and Jamie talk about how Heather and her dad respond to conflict and how to pass positive traits to their kids. Check it out!

Look at your childhood objectively. 

You might not have noticed yet, but the way you’ve “always done things” probably comes from your parents/guardians and the home culture they created. Growth comes when you can objectively look at your home culture growing up and choose the things you want to keep and what you want to change for your future.

In his book, Emotionally Healthy Leader, Pete Scazzero puts it like this, “Jesus may be in your heart, but grandpa is in your bones. And the task of discipleship is to get Jesus more and more into your bones.” 

Here are 8 Questions to identify your family culture.

Use these questions as a resource to help understand your home culture. 

1. Describe your mom/dad in three works.
2. How was conflict/anger/ tension handled in your home? 
3. What was considered “success” in your family?
4. How did ethnicity or race shape you and your family?
5. Were there any heroes or villains in your family?
   Why were these individuals singled out?
6. What generation patterns or themes do you recognize? (Addictions, affairs, abuse, divorce, mental illness, abortions, kids born out of wedlock, etc.)
7. What traumatic losses did your family experience? (Sudden death, prolonged illness, miscarriage, divorce, bankruptcy)
8. What insights (one or two) are you becoming aware of that help you make sense of how your family culture impacts who you are today? 

Home culture excavation tool from Pete Scazerro’s book “The Emotionally Healthy Leader”

Take a step toward a healthy family culture.

After going through the questions above, are you noticing any areas that you’d like to change? What about places that need to be shaped by Jesus and scripture? It’s not always easy to make behavioral and cultural changes, but it is always worth it. 

Share your change! 

Heather and Jamie would love to hear what step toward change you’re going to make! Send them a message by texting LIFE to 23101 and following the prompts. 

Show notes:

In this episode, Heather and Jamie recommend three resources for understanding yourself better. Check them out:

Living Centered’s podcast, “Living Centered and Exploring Internal Family Systems Work”

Dr. Caroline Leaf’s book, “Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess”

Dr. Nicole LePera’s book, “How to Do the Work“