Marriage is more than just attraction and commitment. While those elements are important, they aren’t enough on their own to hold a relationship together. What truly sustains a marriage over time is the vitality of friendship.

Without friendship, you can miss out on the joy, laughter, and companionship that a deep relationship offers.

The Role of Friendship in Marriage

Who knows you best? Who loves you best? Ideally, the answer should be your spouse. But for that to be true, you have to work at finding shared interests and investing in each other’s worlds. True intimacy is found in learning to like your spouse—not just loving them. Being interested in what they care about, or at least trying, can breathe new life into the relationship.

While Ephesians 5 doesn’t explicitly mention friendship, it’s implied throughout the passage. Paul points to Jesus’ relationship with the Church, calling us to reflect that same self-giving love.

If you want to know what true friendship looks like, look to Jesus. He modeled what it means to come close, to dwell among us, and to pursue us.

Friendship, like all relationships, requires proximity, vulnerability, and humility.

The Power of Proximity

God, in His infinite love, took on a human body and came near to us. He made Himself known because He wanted to dwell with mankind. One of the first principles of friendship we learn from Christ is that proximity matters.

To be in a relationship with someone, we must step into their world. That might mean leaving what’s comfortable or familiar.

Many people today feel lonely, yet they are unwilling to enter new spaces or engage in meaningful relationships. But if we want our relationships to thrive, we must keep entering into our spouse’s world.

Like plants need water, relationships need regular maintenance. It’s easy to get married and then stop making the effort to know each other.

Vulnerability and Safety

True friendship requires vulnerability. If someone is going to share themselves with you, they need to feel safe doing so. If we laugh at or criticize what our spouse shares, it can quickly shut down intimacy and closeness. When we create an environment where vulnerability is met with acceptance, we can start to appreciate each other’s differences more fully.

It’s also important to remember that vulnerability isn’t just about sharing—it’s also about receiving. As Philippians 2:3-5 says, we are to treat others as more significant than ourselves. In marriage, this means listening and being present in the moments when your spouse opens up, knowing that receiving their vulnerability is a privilege.

Humility in Relationships

Humility is about seeing yourself as you truly are, not pretending to be invulnerable. The refusal to show weakness often stems from a fear of being seen as incompetent or inadequate. But the Christian way is strength through weakness—life through death.

The gospel teaches us that we are not accepted because we are good enough, but because of God’s grace.

A hallmark of not only friendship but of Christianity is vulnerability. When we resist help, it is often out of pride, not humility. In contrast, admitting our need allows God’s grace to flow through us, and it opens the door to deeper relationships with others.

Seeking Each Other’s Glory

One of the most beautiful aspects of friendship and marriage is the idea of seeking the other person’s glory. Glory is the fullest expression of who someone is meant to be. Your best friend—and your spouse—should be someone who seeks your glory, who encourages and nurtures you to become all that you were created to be.

On your wedding day, you stand before each other in your finest clothes, in a moment of glory. The bride is radiant, the groom stands tall—it’s a picture of what we strive for. But marriage is not just about that moment of perfection; it’s about seeing each other in your fullness, both at your best and in your most ordinary moments. It’s about saying, “This is who I am, and this is who I could be.”

Christ died so that we would be glorified, and marriage reflects that love. We seek the glory of one another, helping each other become the best versions of ourselves. This is not just a picture of marriage; it’s a picture of what relationships are meant to be within the Christian community. We are to love one another, seek each other’s well-being, and encourage each other to grow in Christlikeness.

Friendship in marriage is not optional; it’s essential. Just like Christ came near to us, we must come near to each other, being vulnerable, humble, and committed to seeking each other’s glory. This is what makes marriages—and all relationships—truly flourish.