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October 04, 2024

How Jesus Redefines Power in Marriage: Lessons from Ephesians 5:25

In this episode, Whit, Casey, and Lee dive deeper into the true meaning of sacrifice and leadership and the word Paul gives to husbands.

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Power is often misunderstood. We tend to associate power with entitlement—something earned or deserved. Yet, in Ephesians 5:25, Paul instructs husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This command flips the common understanding of power upside down. Instead of being entitled to control or command, men are called to steward the authority they’ve been given by sacrificing for those under their care.

Sacrifice & Submission

A lot of people struggle with this command because it goes against our selfish tendencies. The idea of sacrificing for others feels like a loss of power, but in reality, it is the highest expression of it.

In today’s culture, we often equate nobility with sacrifice, but rarely with submission. We admire those who lay down their lives for a cause but resist the idea of submitting to others out of love.

Jesus modeled both sacrifice and submission, which redefined what it means to have power. His life showed us that real power is not about controlling or dominating but about laying down one’s life for others.

Immaturity and the Struggle for Sacrifice

Many marriages struggle because of immaturity. A lack of emotional and spiritual maturity creates wounds and unhealthy patterns of communication. Many resist opportunities for sacrifice because of selfishness. We often think, “What will I get in return?

Jesus calls us to a different kind of thinking. In Matthew 20, He warned against using power to “lord over” others. He flipped the power hierarchy, teaching that true power looks like service. This shift means that men, as leaders in their families, should use their authority not to point out flaws but to draw out the potential in others.

Unlocking Conflict Patterns

Conflict in marriage often boils down to communication issues. Some people communicate more logically, while others are values-based communicators. Understanding your spouse’s communication style is key to breaking destructive conflict cycles. Aligning on a common goal can help you both move toward a shared future. Even short-term goals can unite you during disagreements.

It’s also essential to ask yourself, “Do I really want to win every argument?” Sometimes winning an argument comes at the cost of the relationship. Grace and mercy must be the guiding principles in how we handle conflicts with our spouse.

The Fear of Being Taken Advantage Of

In Philippians 2, Paul tells us to consider others’ interests as more important than our own. But if we’re honest, this can be terrifying. We fear being taken advantage of or that our needs will be overlooked. The question becomes: What do I really believe about God’s role in my life?

God’s way often involves pain because it requires a death to self. But this death brings resurrection and joy.

The Path to True Freedom

True freedom isn’t found in doing whatever we want whenever we want. Instead, it comes through voluntary limitations—choosing to live within the bounds of what is good and right, not just what is easy.

Jesus invites us into this counterintuitive way of living, where the real path to freedom is through service and self-denial. Just as a tree must be pruned to bear lasting fruit, we must allow God to cut away the things that hinder our growth. Maturity in marriage and relationships comes through intentional effort, not passivity.

The Gospel as the Source of True Power

Paul’s teaching in Ephesians is not just about behavior modification—it’s about being transformed by the gospel. The power to love and lead like Christ comes from the gospel itself. We are called to intentionally remember what Jesus has done for us, allowing that reality to shape how we interact with our families.

Until you can fully receive what Christ has done for you, you’ll struggle to do the same for others. Jesus flipped the script on power, teaching that those in authority have the most responsibility to serve. The more power you have, the more carefully you must use your words and actions. Just like a surgeon uses a scalpel with precision, your words as a leader carry weight. Use them wisely.

Reawakening Your Love for the Gospel

If you’re struggling to love your spouse sacrificially, the problem may not be with them—it may be with your connection to the gospel. You cannot give what you have not received. To reawaken your love for the gospel, start by being with Jesus. As you spend time in His presence, you will be transformed into His image (2 Corinthians 3:18). The more you are shaped by Jesus, the more naturally you will lead and love your family.

You’re not meant to do this alone. Growing in love and maturity requires long obedience in the same direction. Get a Bible, join a Bible study, and surround yourself with a community of believers who can walk with you on this journey.

God is more committed to your flourishing than you are. Trust Him as He prunes away the things that hinder you and adds what you need to grow.

Show Notes:

Show notes: In this episode, they discuss the Myers Briggs personality test.
Learn more here:
https://www.16personalities.com/
Find Ray Ortlund’s books:
https://www.crossway.org/authors/ray-ortlund/

Learn more about our men’s ministry:
https://churchonthemove.com/brotherhood

 

 

 

 

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