In this episode, Whit and Casey talk about creating a foundation of commitment over feelings and the nature of covenant relationships—both in marriage and with God.
In today’s world, relationships often resemble a consumer model—a value proposition where we constantly weigh what we get from the relationship against what we have to put in. It’s a balancing act: Is this still worth it? When the scales tip in the wrong direction, many of us are tempted to move on. This mindset, however, contrasts sharply with the concept of covenant relationships, particularly as we see them in Scripture.
Throughout the Bible, we see God continuously showing up, making more and more commitments to His people. Consider God’s covenant with Abraham—a demonstration of faithful, continuous love that draws someone out of self-centeredness and pain. God’s love is relentless, and His covenant is unbreakable, no matter the cost.
We’re meant to mirror this unwavering commitment both in our covenant relationship with God and with our spouse.
The first commandment God gives is, “You shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). This priority shapes how we treat God and our marriages in relation to all other relationships in our lives.
Marriage does not exist in a vacuum; it demands the best of ourselves, including the sacrifice of our desire for independence.
When you join your spouse in marriage, it’s as if you’re burning the other boats—there is no back up option or wistful what ifs. You’ve committed to this person, and you’re in it no matter what.
While there are, of course, biblical grounds for divorce, the essence of a covenant relationship is that you’ve made a vow to stay, to work through the challenges, and to grow together. In a covenant, the commitment is not based on feelings but on promises.
Just as God sets boundaries for us, we must establish boundaries to protect our marriages. Whether it’s work boundaries, relational boundaries, or consistent check-ins, it’s crucial to understand what’s truly going on with your spouse. This ensures that both partners feel deeply seen and understood.
In a world where emotions often guide our decisions, it’s easy to believe that feelings are what hold relationships together. Many of us enter into relationships with the idea that if it’s right, everything will just flow naturally. We look for compatibility, shared passions, and a deep emotional connection. While these are important, they aren’t the foundation that ensures a relationship’s survival, especially in marriage.
Life is unpredictable, and the forces of life tend to pull people apart. A lot happens over the course of a marriage—challenges, trials, joys, and sorrows. What, then, ensures a relationship’s survival? Is it the intensity of our feelings, or is there something deeper?
From a cultural standpoint, many believe that feelings and compatibility are the glue that keeps a relationship intact. But as we delve into Scripture, we see a different picture—one that emphasizes the importance of commitments over feelings.
In Genesis 12, God’s first words to Abram are not about feelings or compatibility. Instead, God speaks of commitments and promises: “I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing” (Genesis 12:2). These are the commitments God made to Abram, and they are the foundation of their covenant relationship.
The Hebrew word hesed captures the essence of this covenant faithfulness. It’s a determined love—a commitment to someone else’s good, regardless of the circumstances. God, out of love, makes these commitments to us, and He is faithful to honor them.
It’s not that feelings have no place in relationships. In fact, they’re often a good place to start. However, as life unfolds, challenges and obstacles can come between those initial feelings. That’s when love is defined not by how we feel, but by our determination to return to the commitments we’ve made.
Covenant relationships, like marriage, are built on this kind of faithful commitment. It’s about being committed to your spouse’s good, even when it’s difficult. It’s about making the determined choice to love, even when the feelings aren’t as strong as they once were.
Love going forward in a covenant relationship is more about the resolve to come back to the promises we’ve made, to honor them, and to live up to them
Show Notes:
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Show Notes
Listen to the message: Marriage: Faithful Commitment Vs Feelings
In this episode, they mention these books:
The Epic of Eden by Sandy L. Richters
How to Stay Married by Harrison Scott Key