Blogs

May 30, 2025

From Shame to Renewal: Rethinking Sex

What do you do with a gift you never really learned how to use?

In this episode, Heather and Jamie talked about how our minds—and marriages—need renewing.

Check out the episode!

Sex, Shoulds, and Silent Messages

Most of us didn’t learn about sex from our parents or pastors. According to our listener survey, most people’s first exposure came from friends—or the internet. And even if we grew up in church, the message was often reduced to: “Sex is good… but only if you wait.” After that? Silence.

But silence speaks. Many of us grew up internalizing unspoken messages from our homes—about our bodies, our worth, and what sex was supposed to mean.

In this episode, Jamie shares the invisible legacy of trauma passed down through her family, while Heather opens up about the pressure to “perform” intimacy without ever being taught what godly sexual intimacy actually looks like.

A Holy Gift Misunderstood

We often treat sex like the expensive china we registered for but never usebeautiful in theory, awkward in practice. But sex isn’t just skin-deep. As 1 Corinthians 6 reminds us, it is both physical and spiritual—a mystery meant to point to God’s covenant love.

Our sexuality is not something to be hidden in shame or ignored in frustration, but to be explored within the safe boundaries of marriage as God intended.

And that’s the tension: many of us feel broken or dysfunctional even inside marriage. Why is this so difficult if it’s supposed to be so good?

Relearning Intimacy

The truth is, healing from past trauma or bad theology takes time. It means confronting long-held beliefs, getting honest with ourselves, and asking uncomfortable questions. It might even mean getting professional help—from a therapist, a pastor, or trusted friends in our community.

But Heather and Jamie remind us that God is gentle. He doesn’t rush us. If a scripture stirs discomfort or resistance, that may be an invitation to go deeper, not a reason to run. Our goal is not to apply everything perfectly overnight, but to move toward God’s design—together.

Let’s Talk About It

One of the most powerful takeaways? Don’t stay isolated. Song of Songs gives us permission to celebrate, grieve, wrestle, and grow in community. When we keep everything hidden “to protect the marriage bed,” we may miss the healing God wants to bring through wise counsel and spiritual friendship.

Whether you’re healing from shame, working through trauma, struggling with desire, or simply feeling stuckthere is hope. This summer isn’t about perfection.  It’s about renewing our minds with the truth of God’s Word, and letting that truth set us free.

Show notes:

Book Recommendations:

  • Embodied by Gregg Allison
  • The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire
  • How and When to Tell Your Kids about Sex by Stan and Brenna Jones

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