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June 22, 2021

Breaking Up—How to handle the end of a relationship

Breaking up is hard, romantic or not. From kids growing up to friends moving away, there are necessary endings in your life that, if ungrieved, can really hurt you. So how do you handle the end of a relationship? Let’s talk about it.

In this episode, Jamie and Heather discuss some of the difficult endings in their lives and how they learned to handle them. Check it out.

All things end at some point.

From friendships to relationships, school years to jobs, everything ends. How you process your endings will determine your future. How you transition out of your ending, whatever it is, informs how you begin your next big thing. So, how do you end well?

Here are 3 things you need to do to grieve the end of a relationship:

1. Give yourself time to process

No one likes change, so endings can be… very painful. They’re a sign of times and seasons changing. Don’t lie to yourself and say, “It’s not that big of a deal.” Instead, slow down and process.

Invite God into your grief process through silence and solitude. What are silence and solitude? It’s the act of 1. getting quiet and 2. getting alone. When you’re hurting from a relationship, you might feel tempted to fill your schedule with lunches, coffees, or movie dates. You might feel tempted to jump into another relationship. That’s okay—community is always good. However, you may squash the grief process by burying your pain in other relationships.

Get alone with God and get quiet. We promise He will comfort you. Check out this resource on silence and solitude from Bridgetown Church, Silence & Solitude.

2. Identify what you’re grieving

Is it the loss of identity, control, comfort, being with the person, or losing a larger friend group? Examine your loss and identify what you’re grieving. It could be more than one thing, but you can’t process what you don’t face.

Example: A mother is feeling anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed by planning her child’s graduation party. She’s determined to make every detail perfect. She knows planning parties isn’t easy, but if she’s honest, she’s getting a little out of hand. She’s lashed out at a few people and isn’t acting herself. So, she stops, gets alone, and examine’s what she’s feeling. What does she find? She’s hurting about the end of this season with her child, the loss of her current role in her child’s life. Without slowing down to examine her feelings and grieving this loss, she may miss the opportunity to celebrate her child’s accomplishments and embrace her new role in their life.

One note for parents: your highest calling is not to be a parent. It’s to go make disciples. You are raising your children as disciples of Jesus and launching them out so that they can go make disciples. When you lose your identity in a relationship, you might miss the purpose God really has for you.

3. Embrace the new beginning

When you’re ready and you feel God’s peace about moving forward, embrace God’s new beginning for your life. He may bring you a new friend, a new job, or a new season of life.

Don’t underestimate the joy of celebrating and embracing the unknown! You may not know what’s coming next—the new dreams that God will bring to you until you let go of the comfort, identity, control, or relationship.

Examine your life and be committed to enjoying and celebrating each season.

Resources: 

Ask us a question. Text “LIFE IN MOTION” to 23101 and follow the prompts.

Heather and Jamie love to bring people together. So naturally, their podcast is a place where they want to do the same. Every season, we set aside episodes to hear from YOU and talk about YOUR thoughts. Text “LIFE IN MOTION” to 23101 or leave us a voicemail at 1-539-215-9432 to share your question.

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