The holidays bring a mix of joy and stress as families gather with differing opinions, parenting styles, political beliefs, and more. Learning to be a non-anxious presence can transform these interactions, helping us navigate emotions and conflicts and show up fully, be present for others, and maintain our peace amidst the chaos.
Becoming a Non-Anxious Presence
To be able to step into situations of tension and conflict well, we have to learn how to be a non-anxious presence, and this requires some prep-work.
A non-anxious presence begins with self-awareness. How we manage our internal world directly impacts how we respond to external situations. Here are some foundational practices to develop this kind of presence:
- Pay attention to your emotions
Regularly reflect on recent emotional events. What triggered your feelings? Are you holding onto unresolved conversations or frustrations? Identifying and addressing these emotions can help you enter situations with greater clarity. - Limit distractions
In moments of stillness, resist reaching for your phone or other distractions. Where does your mind wander? What is God showing you in those quiet spaces? These moments allow for growth and deeper awareness of areas we tend to avoid or ignore. - Care for your body
Sleep, nutrition, and limiting screen time play significant roles in staying emotionally regulated. Journaling can also help process emotions and create mental clarity.
You can’t pour from an empty cup!
Investing in your emotional, physical, and spiritual health is such important preparation for dealing with conflicts and frustrations that can often arise in family dynamics.
The Importance of Listening and Curiosity
As families gather for the holidays, the temptation to judge, debate, or defend can be strong.
But what if we approached these moments with genuine curiosity instead? Non-judgmental listening and asking open-ended questions can shift the tone of a conversation.
For example: Instead of reacting to a relative’s opinion, try asking, “Why is that important to you?”
Replace criticism with curiosity: “How did you come to that perspective?”
This approach not only fosters understanding but also helps us remain calm and engaged without feeling the need to control the outcome or trajectory of a conversation.
Letting Go of What You Can’t Control
One of the biggest challenges during the holidays is managing our responses to others’ emotions and actions.
While we can’t control other people, we can take responsibility for our own emotions. This might mean stepping away to take a deep breath or grounding ourselves in prayer or mindfulness when tensions rise.
Recognizing what is ours to carry—and what is not—is key to maintaining peace.