May 18, 2021

Why is it so hard to make friends?

Why is making friends so hard? Like, don’t we all just want to be known? The desire to be seen, understood, and heard is hardwired in all of us. So why do we cringe at the idea of putting ourselves out there? 

It’s no surprise, social anxiety is at an all-time high. After a year of intentional, purposeful isolation, we as a society are finding ourselves trending toward isolation in every aspect of our lives.

Our biggest roadblock in making close, personal friends is competition. 

When you have a close friend you invite them into your insecurities, your cringe moments. But competition and comparison rob you of being truly real with people. 

Have you been in a relationship where you’re always having to prove yourself? Yeah. That’s not a real friendship.

Often, insecurity comes in the form of competition when we believe there’s “only so much to go around.” We think that if our coworker is successful in their job maybe there are not enough opportunities for you to be successful too. And then, you rob yourself of genuinely celebrating your coworker’s success.

Friends should know the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Think about this: Friendship is about sharing your whole life with someone—the good, the bad, and the ugly. When you only bring the good to people it’s easy to have a shallow relationship. But when you share the bad and the ugly, you can authentically, genuinely celebrate the good together. 

So, what’s the problem?

Well, we want to be seen, but when we’re really honest, we don’t want people to see us. There’s a hesitation to put ourselves out there and risk being rejected. We don’t want people to know the dark and shameful or goofy and silly parts of us, so we live shallow, half-hearted, relationships.

How do we solve our social anxieties?

Building a close friendship means being intentional. After reading this and listening to the podcast, we’re sure you’ve identified an area where you need to grow. Challenge yourself to stay committed to that growth. In this episode, Heather and Jamie lay out 3 challenges for people who are wanting to make friends: 

• Show up: Commit to showing up to the places you’re invited or staying committed to the class you’re taking.
• Journal: Take some time to reflect on what is causing you to feel negatively about putting yourself out there.
• Practice: Saying “hello” to someone or making eye contact with the people around you.



Disappointment — Message by Ethan Vanse
Friendship Coach Article

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